Are you old enough to remember this?
OJ Simpson wasn’t always a famous murder suspect and convicted felon. At one time, he was one of the greatest running backs in football (if you don’t believe me, you can google it). He did a TV commercial that showed him running through an airport – ducking and weaving and jumping over stuff.
That was a more innocent time (even OJ was more innocent). Twenty-five years later, 9/11 happened. (If you’re too young to remember 9/11, google it.) All the rules changed. Number one, no more jumping over stuff. Shoes and belts off, pockets empty, luggage x-rayed and “Please hold still for a full-body scan, sir or madam.” Then it’s hands up and spread ’em for the squealy metal detector.
You can still run through the airport if you want but you’ll be dragging a string of armed guards with you. Takes a bit of the fun out of air travel but after 20 years, you get used to it.
Now there’s the Covid. All the same security precautions except they shoot you with a Star Trek tricorder before letting you into the airport. Any sign of a temperature and it’s back to wherever you came from for you.
In all lines, you must comply with the mantra “safe distance”. If you don’t, the nearest concerned citizen will point and cry “Safe distance! Safe distance!” Once on board, the stewardesses look like they’re getting ready for surgery.
Oddly, you and everyone else wears the same little blue masks the doctors wore on MASH (if you’re too young to remember, google it).
I hope they soon come up with a shot, pill, patch or spray that everyone in the world can agree on. Otherwise, the airlines will be going out of business even faster than they were before. They barely broke even packing us into planes like sardines (better google that, too). Now, all the middle seats are empty (no complaint here). On some flights, there’s no one in the rows in front or behind you. So a plane that can hold 210 passengers is only allowed to carry 70. How, you might wonder, can any airline still be in business? Simple. It’s not business anymore, it’s magic.
Given all that, flying anywhere is still cool.
It was cool when airports were pretty much small, jet exhaust-filled places where friends could come and wait at the gate for your flight.
Now, airports are pricey little shopping malls with not a hint of jet fuel fume to be smelt anywhere. And just about everywhere, the shops are reassuringly familiar – Gucci, Starbucks, McDonald’s, etc, etc,… But different countries’ airports do their best to show what an interesting place you’ve landed yourself in.
In Delhi, they have full-size elephant statues.
In Kolkata, they have the biggest, glassiest, glass wall anyone could want to have to wash.
In Bangalore, the airport’s new, wavy-roof earns The David Uncle Raised Eyebrows of Appreciation.
In Bangkok, they have a large work of art showing “The Churning of the Ocean of Milk” (google it).
In Kathmandu, you have to gain altitude fast to get over the Himalayan foothills.
In Amsterdam, they have a wall of little Delft ceramic houses filled with gin.
But Colombo, Sri Lanka gets the award for Swellest Looking Airport. In fact, it is so swell-looking, I’m not sure what I’m seeing. Kind of like an MC Escher trick perspective thing.
Don’t go dashing over to see it for yourself just yet. The airport doesn’t look anything like this now but according to their PR people, “It sure will pretty soon!”
And you might want to avoid the Hong Kong airport just now as well. Protesters. They’ve been protesting their police state for over a year. (Probably think US protestors are a bunch of copycats.)