“On the Internet, nobody knows…”

Remember this New Yorker cartoon?

It works for blogs, too. Maybe I’m back from India. Maybe I’m not. Nobody knows. Here’s a recent shot of me somewhere. 

Here’s another.

And another.

See? You can’t tell where I am. (On the other hand, I can’t tell where you are so I guess we’re even.)

Uh-oh, this post is beginning to drift. Better get to the point. And the point, as I was saying, is Indian food. If you’re like me – and who isn’t? – you’ll like Indian food. Especially Indian junk food.  My personal favorite is Uncle Chipps.

Uncle Chipps are like Lay’s potato chips (they’re even owned by Frito-Lay) but they’re better. Their ad jingle goes “Bole mere lips…” (which means, “Sez my lips”) “…I love Uncle Chipps.” That message says it all (the tune could use a little help). Here’s a happy birthday card a friend made for me.

You can find lots and lots and lots of spicy, snack chips like these which nobody likes except, evidently, the 1.3 billion Indians who live here. 

Homemade doughnuts are pretty great, too.

The place I get mine kind of overdoes the hole part but the rest is really something to write home about (as this sentence proves).

Then there’s Elephant Ginger Beer.

A little light on the beer, a little heavy on the ginger but just the right amount of elephant to create “the flavour* you’ve been enjoying for 150 years”. Made by those fine people at Elephant House. (More on that when we get to Sri Lanka.)

If you’re looking for the world’s best ice cream, it’s at the Natural Ice Cream Parlour* in Delhi.

They have ice cream flavours* you probably haven’t tasted: jackfruit, litchi, muskmelon,… as well as some you probably have: chocolate, strawberry, vanilla,…  I give Natural three stars – the most stars any ice cream can have. (All ice cream gets one star, even I can make one-star ice cream.)

Just about every giant ice cream company earns my coveted two-star rating. “Good enough” is something they can print on their package along with a picture of my face and two thumbs up. 

But only the top two or three thousand ice cream makers have ever achieved the dizzying heights of my three-star rating. Look for my face embossed in gold with the words “Overpriced because it’s The World’s Best”. (Also shows me giving it three thumbs up.)

We must return to the fascinating subject of Indian junk food sometime when I’m more awake than I am now.

*Their spelling, not mine.