Regular Bangkok

*As Mr. Hobson would say, “Is it the Silom Metro or the Lake Street “L”? One can scarcely tell.”*

There are a lot of places in Bangkok where you can stand and convince yourself you’re in Chicago. In fact, if I had to live someplace on this side of the world that wasn’t India, Bangkok would be the place. The cost of living is about twice as high as India but since the cost of living in the US is about six times higher than India, I’d still get by pretty well on just my social security.

As in India, the people in Bangkok like Americans. Right after checking into my hotel, I went out to look around and was immediately made welcome by the Hey Hey Baby.

*Hey Hey Baby waiting to be discovered by Gerber.*

She’s this tiny tot who waves and shouts, “Hey! Hey!” to every passerby. Surprisingly, they all just pass her by. I get my camera ready and sure enough, when I come into view, I get the same hearty salute.

“Hey! Hey!” sez she.

I stop. “Hey-hey to you, too!”

This gives her pause. “Uh-oh.” she thinks, “Is that in the script?” Her eyes dart toward her mother. No help there. Beads of baby flop-sweat begin to form.

“Hey-hey” I say again quickly and move on. Relief. Back to work. “Hey! Hey!” I hear her shout to the next customer.

Climbing the stairs to the elevated train, I head for the shopping district.

The nicer malls in Bangkok are just like the nicer malls in America – but even nicer as here they employ armies of sweepers and dusters who keep them mirror spotless. For example, notice anything odd about this shot?

*HINT: There’s a man in a purple shirt in the upper right corner who appears to be clinging to the ceiling.*

Correct. The picture’s upside down. That’s how squeaky clean the malls are.

Here’s a pretty Christmas display don’tcha think? A giant ornament made out of machine guns.

*I can see the meeting where everyone slaps their foreheads, “Now THAT captures the true spirit of the season*!”

If you like crafty stuff (which I don’t) they have acres of small shops devoted to local artisans. If you like techy stuff (which I do) – same thing.

*Packing a maximum of product into a minimum of space seems to be an Eastern Hemisphere obsession.* (This isn’t a disk by the way, it’s a single spinning lighted string.)

After buying everything they had, I decided that I might as well finish off frying my poor credit card by having lunch at a 5-star hotel.

*The Peninsula Hotel’s Private River Shuttle*

Here’s me hoping there’s no dress code. Or if there is, it’s an unspoken one which we ugly Americans can simply ignore.

The white-coated dining room staff of the Peninsula Hotel could have come straight out of central casting for Downton Abbey. Here, “sir” is used as a proper noun. (“Would Sir care for another wafer thin mint?”) They were so dignified and deferential, I half expected to hear myself referred to as “your grace”. (If recurring visions of me in my dusty Adidas, wrinkly shirt and crappy feather hat still cause any of them to startle awake at night, I apologize.)

*Took a picture so I wouldn’t forget the gourmet delight I ordered. That didn’t work – but it shore was good. ( $30 with tip).*

I’d round off each day with a contemplative cigar on the veranda of the Bangkok Christian Guesthouse. Quiet, clean, $29 a night. (This is a shot of the veranda view, not the hotel.)

*Is it Astor Street, Chicago or Saladaeng Soi, Bangkok? One can scarcely tell.*

Some nights I would be honored by a visit from the hotel cat.

PS (Looking for something exotic to bring home to the family?

Try our delicious Bangkok Bird’s Nest! At airport gift shops everywhere. Only $2,800 a box!)