Posted on by David Uncle

The Rainiest Place on Planet Earth

To continue my little narrative from last week, Prime Minister Modi released our car from his tractor beam and we zipped up the hills to Shillong, happily honking all the way – as is the custom.

Honk-honk-honk-honk-honk-honk-honk-honk…

The roads were perfect except through one village that refused to pay its road tax. It took us ten minutes to drive two miles. (Pothole-A-Palooza!)

We arrived around midnight and I was surprised to find that my friend’s relatives were still awake – all of them.  What’s more, they had postponed dinner. Not a midnight snack, the whole fatted calf – as is the custom.

The Sacred Laws of Hospitality are flattering. Sometimes, brutally.

See the tiny tot? Let’s call her Rani. We might as well. It means “Queen” in Hindi and as everyone knows, cute kids rule the world. 

A bunch of us went for a ride the next day. Rani didn’t want to sit in a car seat, she wanted to climb all over. We should have had a sign: “Bored Baby On Board”

“Okay, Rani but don’t go too far back. You will fall into the little space and bonk your head.”

(CLIMB-CLIMB) “Where will I bonk my head?” (CLIMB-CLIMB-CLIMB) “Here?” (CLIMB-CLIMB) “Is this where I will fall and bonk my head?”

“Yes, Rani, that is where you will fall and bonk your head. Don’t go there.”

(CLIMB-CLIMB) “Right here?”

(Have I telegraphed the outcome enough?) The Q&A went on in a similar vein for awhile, then: (CLIMB-FLIP-BONK!)

“SHREEEEEK!! WAAAAAH! SQUEEEEK!  YAAAAAAA!!” 

“Rani! What happened?”

“AAAA!…I fall and bonk my head!! Woo..wooo..YAAAAA!!”

“Are you okay?”

PAUSE FOR A BEAT, THEN SHE POPS UP

“I’m okay!”

ALL: “Yay!”

For the entire trip, everybody wanted to pick up Rani and hug her. I did, too but she wasn’t interested. She did that thing kids do where they dive out of your hands heedless of the five-foot drop and inevitable head bonk. So you have to hang onto them all crazy until Mom comes and rescues you both. 

Hugga Hugga
Hugga Hugga Hugga

Finally, Rani had it with all our stinking affection and huffed off.

“Enough, I say!”

By and by, we arrived at Cherrapunjee – The Rainiest Place on Planet Earth.

That’s Bangladesh in the distance I believe. (I have this exact same picture – someplace. Meanwhile, Thank you, Mr. Internet!)

You probably think that the rainiest place on Planet Earth is Seattle. I agree. I grew up there. But guess what? We’re both wrong.  Suspiciously, it wasn’t raining in Cherrapunjee the day we were visiting . (If this was Seattle, it would rain because you were visiting.) 

We drove by some amazingly lush side valleys. It took me a couple of tries to get a decent shot.

Dagbag pole.
DAGBAGGIT!
Success!
This hill would probably be a valley if it wasn’t so sponged up with water.

After Cherrapunjee, we toured Mawjymbuin – The Cave of Wonders. Unlike American cave tours, this one treated you less like a valued customer and more like a long line of kids exploring a cave they just found. 

There weren’t any paths or roped off areas, you had to duck in places so as not to clock your head on a stalactite and if you came upon an ice-cold underground stream, you took off your shoes, rolled up your pantlegs and waded through it. Like any true, red-blooded American, I turned around at that point and headed back to the coffee shop. 

We visited the beautiful Seven Sisters Falls.

“One, two, three,… (Whups. Guess my head’s in the way.)

We also saw Noh Ka Likai Falls which means “The Leap of Likai” so called because when Likai came home from work one day and saw what her husband had made for dinner, she ran from the house to the waterfall and jumped to her death. What did he make for dinner? You don’t want to know. Especially if you’re planning on eating dinner.

Really. Don’t ask.

All too soon, it was time to bump our way back to Siliguri. Everyone came to say good-bye – which became a pretty nice memory all by itself.

“Good-bye!”
“Good-bye!” “Good-bye!”
“Good-bye!” “Good-bye!” “Good-bye!”

Good-byes took an hour – as is the custom.

Caught this little dood sneaking off. His own Law of Hospitality figured an hour of good-byes was sufficient. (Kids!)
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