A What?

Our class had twelve instructor wannabes. Of all the activities we learned for teaching English as a second language, everyone’s favorite was “A What?”

The instructor lines the class up in a circle, spots an eager face, holds up a banana and asks the individual to answer three times, “A what?” On the fourth time, he’s allowed to “get it”.

INSTRUCTOR: “This is a banana.”

STUDENT: “A what?”

INSTRUCTOR: “A banana.”

STUDENT: “A what?”

INSTRUCTOR: “A banana.”

STUDENT: “A what?”

INSTRUCTOR: “A banana.”

STUDENT: “Ohhhh! A banana!“

Then that smirking student turns to the one next to him and repeats the dialogue.

Even quiet, macho sorts who are careful to never appear foolish – especially in front of women – would guffaw and jump into the spirit of the thing with gusto.

Once back at the beginning, the teacher merely has to announce the next object, (“Shoe.” “Mouse trap.”) and off they go again, merrily teaching themselves.  

Being an instructor is a hoot. Preparing for the next day’s hilarity is…well, it’s the opposite (couldn’t find an antonym for “hoot” in my thesaurus). 

The stress of an eight-hour class followed by the task of inventing three 15 to 20-minute fun, fun drills from scratch had me wringing my head till two and three in the morning. Having to repeat the process five days a week for five long, long, LONG weeks is the reason I look the way I do. 

After a few weeks, we took turns being instructors and judging our peers.  That was also a hoot (for the judges).

Then came the eagerly-awaited but terrifying practicum (EAGER BUT TERRIFIED MUFFLED SHRIEKS GO HERE).  A full day with real, paying, foreign students. 

These were serious-looking men and women – some with hair-raising stories of escape from Afghanistan. They were not here to be amused by your stupid humor. They came to learn English and you’d jolly well better teach them some – now! I stood up and said with a slight tremor in my voice,

“This…is a…banana.”

“A WHAT?!” 

“A…(gulp)…a banana.”

By the time they got to “Ohhhh! A banana!” some of them were pounding the table laughing.  So, they all learned some English that day.

And we all graduated…

….and everyone lived happily ever after.